Love On Top
by Gypsy.M.Rose
Summary: Out of character for the duo and the rest of the gleeks but give it a chance! Brittany S. Pierce is a troubled teen already struggling, and the newest addition to her group of misfits is making things a whole lot more complicated! PM me if you have Q's :
1. Chapter 1 The Drain

Chapter 1. The drain

Adolescence is the best and shittest thing ever invented. You meet the ones you'll love forever, know forever, hate forever and remember forever. We get thrown into judgment, pressure, and love, some mixed up place before we become an adult and after we've had the zero responsibilities of being a kid.

There is no possible way to prepare for such a thing; it can change almost everything about us, for better or for worse. It's now that we are meant to find ourselves and who we are. Well sorry, but how am I supposed to do all that when I can't even find fucking matching socks?

I continued down the street, my mind still wandering when my phone rang. I knew exactly who it was.

"Impatient pricks" I said as I answered.

"Where the hell are you Britt?" asked Sam on the other end laughing.

"I'm almost there! And yes I brought it before you ask" he continued to laugh at how well I knew him, but would you expect any different from a best friend?

"Is it good?" he asked.

"Sammy, have I ever let you down before?" I replied. "Trust me when I say you'll love it"

"Alright, alright I'll see ya soon then"

"Yep, bye" I hung up and headed down the path to the others.

After making my way through a few trees I finally reached 'The Drain'. It's a place Sam and I found a while back, just an old out of use drain and a large platform attached, we brought down a few seats, a couch and a small table, it's become a place where we all belong now.

"Oh, she finally decides to grace us with her presence!" said a smiling Sam with his arms up in the air.

I said hi to everyone else as I made my way over to him.

"You're such a wanker" I laughed as I pushed his head.

"So whatya bring us then Britt?" asked Tina sitting cross legged on the couch.

"Only the finest premium vodka going around" I smiled as I pulled the bottle from my bag.

"Is that all then?" asked Mike.

"I thought Miss Brittany S. Pierce would have a little more up her sleeve" he smirked at me. Mike loved to challenge me, not only on the dance floor.

"Right you are Mike, right you are, which is why I brought a little extra" I returned his smirk whilst pulling out the bottle of Jack Daniels and the half bag of weed I'd bought earlier.

"This should last us today and tomorrow don't you think?" I said as I winked at him, Mike smiled and nodded in approval while the rest of them clapped and laughed.

Rachel began a little drum roll as she sat on the ground "I can feel it everyone!" she shouted, referring to the atmosphere.

"Can I?" added Puck, with his infamous eyebrow wiggle.

"Does that work on anyone?" Rachel laughed, along with the rest of us.

I couldn't help but feel a tug on my heart as I watched the people around me, talking, laughing, and drinking. Everything at this point seemed so perfect, yet when we all go home the problems that have plagued us throughout life so far would once again take hold.

I would once again go back to a house that has bottles and cans spread throughout; I'd be harassed by a mother who is either passed out or drunk when my brother Noah and I see her. I would make us dinner; we always eat in my room so that she can't bother us. Then I would put him to bed and hold the fragile little 6 year old while he cried himself to sleep, only to return to my room and hold myself while I did the same.

Our dad left a year ago, before that we were a picture perfect family, but he just left, never gave a reason. I haven't spoken to him since that day and he's made no effort to contact me either so I guess this is how it will stay. After he left our mum just went downhill, she started going out and getting drunk, then she just did it every night, and now she's never sober.

Eventually she stopped caring for Noah and I, when she talks its either she needs alcohol or I am the worst thing that happened to her and the reason he left? I never let her speak to Noah like that, I keep him as far away from her as possible. I've been getting help from the community centre, they have after school care, play days and such that Noah goes to, it gives him a chance at some sort of normal life.

My chance however was lost the day my dad walked out on us and the walls caved in, my heart aches everyday and every night and has done for so long now. I've managed to hide myself and my feelings from those around, Sam being my only exception.

I lit up a smoke as me and Sam started to make drinks, he held out his pinky and I wrapped mine around it. It's just what we do, like a small promise to each other to get through everything.

"How's your mum?" he asked.

"She's been better, still completely isolated in her drunken state, but I've been getting help with Noah from the centre so that's good" I explained.

"And how are you?" he continued.

"I don't know, hurting is an understatement" I chuckled trying to lighten the mood.

"Well anything I can do to help you B you know I'll do it, and I still think you should go back to dancing" I felt his arm wrap around my shoulder as he spoke.

"I told you before I don't have time for that anymore, besides I don't need it" I snapped a little harsher than intended, but I didn't want to talk about the reason I'd stopped. I hadn't given anyone an answer besides I didn't have time, hoping they'd take the hint and back off.

"Even though I know that's total bullshit, I leave it for now" he nudged me as he took back his arm.

"What about you? Given the all cured by the counsellors yet?" I asked.

"Nope" he rolled his eyes.

"I mean I don't get what the big deal is? People piss people off and when it gets to a point where it's too much people are gonna get knocked the fuck out!" I laughed with him as he went on,

"Yeah but apparently I'm an angry young man who needs to talk about his feelings" he said in a mocking tone,

"Haven't they ever heard of puberty?" I scoffed.

"Nah they're paid to pretend" he laughed again. I smiled and joked about it with him even though I know this is more serious than he's leading me to believe, but right now he doesn't need me to tell him that. Sam has had anger problems since a while back, and it's never really been an issue until recently.

Recently being when a little smart ass in our class pushed him to far, he snapped and beat the kid, I'd never seen him like that and it scared me. But I'll never let him know that, it's just not what he needs.

"What time is Artie getting here? Mercedes asked, snapping me out of the thoughts that I was getting too caught up in lately.

"He should be ere' soon, and he said he's bringing a family friend with him or something'" Finn answered.

"Well mate, boy or girl?" Puck asked with a sly look on his face. He never got any with his rather offensive forwardness, but you had to give him points for effort right?

"Like it matters to you, you'll try fucking anything with a pulse" Said Quinn as she laughed along with the group.

"Yeah try and fail" Artie yelled as I heard him make his way through the trees, being focused on doing more shots with Sam and still feeling the joint we shared earlier I didn't bother to look up just yet.

"Artie! Mate how are ya?"

"It's been to fuckin' long"

"How've you been" Came the chorus of welcomes from my tipsy bunch of friends. Minus mine of course, it's not that I don't like him or we don't get along, he just seems to have this idea that we are meant to be together... an idea that I do NOT share, so I make sure I keep even our friendship to a minimum now.

"Not too bad, how have all you been?" Artie asked.

"Fucking beautiful!" Sam yelled surrounded by a few cheers of agreement, raising his shot glass as he did so. He held it up until I joined him, doing them together then continuing to laugh like 5 year olds.

Artie spoke again "Everyone this is Santana, she's just moved here so play nice wont you?"

At this point I looked up at Artie, only giving him a small smile in return to his rather eager expression, before I shifted my gaze to the girl next to him. My breath caught in my throat and I felt my jaw drop open slightly, she was beautiful, I frowned in my mind at the fact that the word beautiful didn't feel like enough to describe her.

"Hi everyone" she said looking around.

Her voice was gorgeous like a mixture of chocolate and whiskey, I felt myself melt at the sound. Her almost black hair fell over her shoulders in loose waves stopping just a few inches past them, the naturally tanned skin that coated her slender body made my eyes begin to wander, only to return to her eyes seconds before they met with mine. I silently applauded myself for getting away with practically gawking at this girl with out her noticing, and although I found myself lost in her deep brown eyes I somehow recovered and gave her a smile before looking away.

Once again my mind took over and the noise was drowned out by the thoughts flying round in my head. I'd never thought about my sexuality before? I just assumed to myself that I was straight. But then again I've never gone out with a guy before, but I've never gone out with anyone before. I tend to have fun, get bored and move on. The idea of love terrifies me; seeing what it's done to my mother I don't want anything to do with it! Which is why I don't get involved, it's the reason I move on!

But in her gaze I felt frozen, and I've never reacted that way because of someone? Especially a girl! Fuck what is wrong with me? I stole another glance and immediately regretted it; she was looking straight at me with her gorgeous eyes, a shy smile on her lips, my god her lips… NO stop it Brittany! I looked away and quickly made myself some shots, knocking them back as fast as I could. "Fuck this is gonna be a long night" I mumbled to myself, and with that I zoned back into the group.


	2. Chapter 2 Introductions

Chapter 2. Introductions

The sky was at its dusky stage as we all started to get increasingly drunk, a joint comfortably making its way around. Puck and I had finally got a fire going which everyone had now found a spot around, Quinn in Sam's arms, Rachel making more drinks while Finn chopped another mix. I was in between Tina and Sam, with Santana next to Artie on the opposite side of the fire. I did my best not to look over at her, Artie being over there making this task a little easier but difficult none the less. No conversations interested me enough to join in so I'd been distracting myself by playing with the few violet streaks in my blonde hair. This wasn't doing the trick anymore so I grabbed my pouch and headed toward the small pier I'd found. We'd had one of our nights at the drain and I wondered off sometime in the early morning, I ended up stumbling across a tiny little lake with an old pier; it's been where I go when everything is too much. No one else knows about it which is probably why I like it so much.

I let my legs dangle over the edge as I rolled myself a smoke, laying flat on my back after I lit it, I closed my eyes. The feeling of emptiness once again washing over me as the ache in my chest grew. 'Fuck' was the only conclusion my mind could come to as I thought about my life, I sat up and flicked the ash from my smoke into the water, looking down at my reflection as the ripples began to fade. My bright blue eyes stood out against the sun-kissed skin I'd gained over the summer, my plain white t-shirt emphasizing this, I swung my legs back and forth watching as my old black converses appeared and disappeared.

"Mind if I join?" came a voice behind me, I jumped slightly at the unexpected interruption. I turned around to see Santana making her way over to sit beside me.

"Sure" was all I managed to squeak out not wanting to risk stuttering and looking like a complete idiot.

As she sat down her arm brushed against mine I felt my cheeks go red and turned away hoping she didn't notice.

"I can go if you like, I just wondered where you went" she said shyly her head down looking at the water.

"N-No" 'shit' I mentally kicked myself for stuttering.

"I just wasn't expecting anyone" I smiled and she returned it making my heart flutter in the process.

I once again had to force myself to look away, I couldn't like anyone and I definitely couldn't like a girl! What am I even talking about? We've barely spoken! I couldn't possibly like her if I don't know her right? maybe its the drinks or the drugs, yeah that's it, it has to be. I tried to calm myself down as my thoughts flew around at a million miles an hour.

"Are you okay?" she looked at me with a worried expression, then the thoughts disappeared and I couldn't focus on anything other than her hand upon mine.

"Y-Yeah" again with the stuttering! Really? I smiled hoping she didn't notice or would at least ignore my complete dorkiness.

"Just making sure" she replied smiling back. Her phone went off and she removed her hand to check it, I tried to hide my frown even though I know it was a fail but I don't think she saw.

"It's Artie asking where I've gone off too, do you want to head back with me?" she asked as she stood up.

"Sounds good" I replied and followed her back towards the others, 'well at least I didn't stutter this time' I thought, wait why do I even care? I don't like her in that way! Oh fuck I need a drink!

When we returned we both went back to our spots opposite each other, I felt a little disappointed that she wasn't so close anymore but quickly pushed those thoughts away.

"What were you two doing?" I heard Artie ask Santana.

"Nothing, just thinking" she replied. He gave her a strange look but she just shrugged it off, this only seemed to increase his curiosity though but before he could say anything more Mike stepped in.

"So Santana, let me introduce you to everyone properly, I mean if you're hanging round here for a while you're gonna have to get to know us all unfortunately" he smiled.

"Especially me" said Puck winking at her.

"And I just threw up in my mouth a little bit" snickered Rachel earning herself a playful glare from Puck.

"Alright then seeing as he's so keen, that thing is Puck. Self proclaimed ladies man, just without the ladies" laughed Mike followed by everyone else. He was right Puck did think he had a way with the ladies but he is actually a great guy.

"Oh come on mate! I could be quite the catch" Puck defended himself with a bright smile on his face.

"This is Quinn and Sam" Mike moved on "I'm pretty sure they've been together since like grade 6! Don't know what she sees in him" Sam laughed and gave him the finger.

"What's not to love?" Quinn asked as they pulled each other closer, they actually have been together for that long not even I remember when they started going out! Mike went to Finn next.

"Finn here can drink himself close to death and still not be hung over, and we are still trying to find someone that can beat him in a drinking game!"

"It's a skill" Finn said proudly.

"And then there's Mercedes" He paused and looked around, we all began to as well, lazily of-course.

"Where the fuck is Mercedes?" He asked, right on cue she emerged from the trees and steadied herself.

"Right so I went for a wander but got a little lost, so I drank a bit more but that just made it worse. Who knew?" she sighed as she threw her arms up in the air, the group erupted into laughter.

"Well now you know Mercedes" Quinn giggled.

"Come here, you got fucking twigs all in your hair" I told her, she sat in front of me pleased with her adventure and I began to take them out.

I looked around surveying the scene expecting Santana to be well involved but instead she was looking at me again. My heart rate picked up as her infectious smile appeared only making it harder to concentrate on the little things like breathing!

It's just the drinks and drugs; please let it be the drinks and drugs I whined to myself. She almost seemed satisfied with the reaction she was getting and turned her attention away from my blushing face and back to the group, I decided it was best to do the same.

Tina walked over to Santana and shook her hand whilst introducing herself.

"T is like our caretaker" Rach began. "She can always solve a problem we have or she's looking after the most fucked person"

"Except for the rare occasion where she is that unlucky person" I reminded them with a devious smile directed at Tina.

"Oh that was some funny shit!" Sam laughed as he struggled to keep himself upright.

"What happened?" Santana asked obviously feeling more comfortable around everyone.

"Well I had everyone over at mine one time and I drank way to fucking much and then went skinny dipping in my neighbour's pool" answered T her face burning bright red.

"That's not the end of it" I smirked as I looked over at a very embarrassed Tina.

"Okay, okay!" she paused for a moment.

"Whilst they were swimming as well" everyone burst into laughter including T.

"The guy didn't seem to mind a whole lot" Finn pointed out.

"Neither did I" Puck added in and the laughter continued.

"Come on then Chang we're not finished yet" said Rach nudging his shoulder.

"Ah yes this is Rachel, she's the newest member to our family and is proving to be a brilliant edition, apart from her unhealthy obsession with Barbara Streisand"

"The woman is a god, therefore my obsession is justified" She joked lightly hitting him.

"Which brings us to Brittany" I gave him a look eager to hear what he'd say.

"She always has some way of getting the double D's" I had to agree with him, I somehow always managed.

"Sorry, what's the double D's?" We turned around to a confused looking Santana.

"Drinks and Drugs" Quinn informed her.

"Queen of the party" Sam shouted, although I didn't feel like being it tonight.

"Bloody gorgeous" Spud also yelled.

"Not gonna happen" I smiled shaking my head.

"Eh, worth a try" he chuckled, I joined in with him.

"She's an amazing dancer" Rach said smiling sincerely towards me. I flinched but no one noticed.

"You tryna get into her pants to Berry?" Finn taunted.

"Tosser" she hissed.

"You'll just have to get to know Brittany, there's not really a black and white way to describe her" Sam explained while grinning at me. I couldn't help but laugh and smile at them all having such a good time; I just wish this simplicity would last forever.

As the night went on everyone started passing out one by one, coincidently Santana and I were the last two awake. We ended up on some of the cushions and blankets a few of the others had brought down, sitting there staring at the fire. We talked casually for a bit and then sat in a comfortable silence until eventually we laid down and fell asleep. Well she did I couldn't get to sleep having her only inches away. My reason of it being the drinks and drugs seemed to be getting weaker by the minute and I knew it. As the night passed into very early morning I finally fell asleep exhausted from the all the thinking and all the different emotions.


	3. Chapter 3 Butterflies & army crawls

Chapter & army crawls

I woke up before everyone else, my head hurt a little but it was bearable. I looked over at Santana, some of her hair had fallen in her face and she was curled up underneath one of the blankets. She looks so cute 'wait' No she doesn't! She looks just like any other girl I've ever seen! Who am I kidding? She makes me nervous even when she's asleep. I resisted the urge to smile and attempted to stop these thoughts, the fact that it now can't be anything I had the night before was bothering me. I didn't want to risk her waking up and me having to attempt words around her again, so I quickly grabbed my things and left for home, I couldn't be around anyone right now. It was a nice morning a slight chill but I loved it, I rolled myself a smoke and carried on up the street.

I don't want to go home but I have to be there before Noah is dropped back, before she has a chance to do any more damage. I felt my anger arise just thinking about her and how she's treated him. She's treated me terribly but I wasn't his age when it started, I've been able to manage, well as best I can anyway. I feel guilty when I look at Noah, I can't give him what he needs and sometimes I think maybe a foster home or something would be better? I can't let him go though, it's almost selfish but I need him.

As I came up to the front door knots formed in my stomach, I didn't want to be harassed. I just couldn't deal with it right now,  
>not on top of all the confusion going on lately. I stepped through the front door as quietly as I could, hoping she wouldn't notice. I'd almost made it to the stairs when she called out.<p>

"Brittany is that you?" her voice was rough.

"Yeah" My shy reply echoed through the house.

"Come here a second I need to talk to you" I tensed up, she'd been drinking all of yesterday and probably needed a punching bag.

I walked into the lounge, my hands in my pockets with my head down.

"Do you need something?" I asked monotonous, not making eye contact.

"I do love you" she said softly, my head shot up, the last time I heard her say that was the day my dad had left.

"What?" you could hear the confusion in my voice.

"I do love you even if you think I don't"

There was silence until I was able to speak.

"O-Okay" I turned and headed to my room.

"And Noah is staying over at a friend's tonight" she called out after me, I didn't bother acknowledging it instead collapsing on my bed soon after. Surprised at how tired I was from last nights get together I closed my eyes, thinking of this my thoughts immediately drifted to Santana.

I sighed heavily contemplating that I might actually like this girl and have to deal with these emotions. I considered calling Sam and talking to him about it but I just couldn't bring myself to share this with anyone, the fact that someone has this effect on me was making me feel vulnerable enough. I fell into a deep sleep not wanting to wake up, and still slightly speechless at the way my mother was acting.

My room was cold and dark when I woke up, the neon green numbers hurt my eyes, 12:30am. I sat up and held my face in my hands, pushing my hair away and yawning. Still tired but knowing I wouldn't be able to get back to sleep I got out of bed. Making my way down the stairs I noticed it was silent, I couldn't hear the usual hum of the TV and the occasional clink of a bottle. 'She must be passed out' I assumed.

Cautiously I entered the lounge room, the lamp was still on. There she was lying lifeless on the couch as I'd predicted, I grabbed a blanket and placed it on her. It was freezing but she wasn't shivering, the pile of bottles that normally surrounds her wasn't there, she almost looked as though she'd fallen asleep at her own will.

I'd taken one of the pillows at her feet and slowly lifted her head up to put it under, when I saw all the packets. My heart sped up and I felt my knees go weak, 'Anti-depressants, Valium and muscle relaxants' she'd taken a fucking cocktail of pills!

"Mum, come on Mum wake up" my voice was calm, I tried shaking her gently but she didn't respond.

"Mum wake up, fuck! Please you need to wake up!" I spoke louder this time my voice was shaky as I attempted to sit her up. Her body was like a rag doll, her breaths barely there, I fought back tears whilst trying to hold her upright.

"Shit" I choked trying to think straight, at that moment her eyes opened up slightly.

"Mum, its Britt are you okay? Can you hear me?" I blurted out not wanting to miss my chance, her eyes weren't focused and as though she read my mind they slowly closed.

I ran to the phone and dialled 000 then sat holding my mother till they arrived. They asked me if I was to accompany her to the hospital but I just shook my head 'no'. I couldn't speak, I couldn't think, I watched them leave in a daze. When I heard the door shut my knees finally gave way, I fell to the floor in defeat the tears flowing freely. Once again my head fell into my hands as I cried helplessly, I screamed out in frustration and in pain. The realization of everything was overwhelming me and I couldn't control it, the hurt being too much this time. 

I heard a knock at the door and opened my eyes. The lounge room still looked the same, I hadn't moved since last night. I hadn't spoken either so when I tried to yell 'hold on' nothing came out; I opened the door to a bright eyed Noah.

"Britty! I missed you! Do you wanna know what I did yesterday, I went to the beach! We should go there one time don't you think?"

He talked a million miles an hour but I didn't care; I just wanted to hear his voice. Once he was inside I knelt down and pulled him close, holding him as a stray tear fell down my cheek.

"Britty?" he asked leaning back.

"What's wrong?" he asked pushing my hair out of my face.

"Mummy's sick Noah" I replied my voice croaky.

"She'll be away for bit, so I'm gonna see if you can stay with another family. A nice family okay?" I felt my heart rip with every word I said.

"But I want to stay with you" I could see the tears building up in his eyes as his lips quivered, I pulled him back into the hug holding him tighter this time.

"I'll still see you silly, it's just that I can't do this alone" I tried to calm him down.

"Then we'll do it together" his little arms wrapped tighter around my neck.

"I'm afraid that's not how it works little man but I promise we'll still see each other, You just need to stay with other people while mum gets better, people who can take good care of you" I replied trying to smile. His hands wiped the tears off my cheeks.

"But Britty, you care the best"

The rest of the morning we spent snuggled up on the couch watching movies. He asked where mum was and when we would see her, and although I wasn't sure how prepared I would be I told him we'd see her tonight. He didn't ask about her after that, to be concerned or grateful I'm not sure.

While Noah continued to watch TV I called up the Australian Foster care association, I was able to organize a temporary home for him and would only need to finalize it when and if it needed to be, I prayed I wouldn't have to. They would pick him up Tuesday morning, tomorrow was Monday, I sat down against the wall and cried quietly not liking it when Noah saw me cry. After he leaves I won't be able to see him till the weekend, they said some bullshit about letting him adapt. Even though I'll miss him every second he's not with me this is what's best. I just can't balance him, our mother, school, finding a new job to pay the rent and having some sort of life of my own.

'Come on Brittany pull it together' I fixed myself up and went back to Noah holding him close once again.

Noah was asleep on the couch and I was upstairs when I heard my phone go off, 'fuck' I'd completely forgotten about anything outside of this house with what's happened. '11 new messages' majority were missed calls from Sam, a few texts from Quinn, but then there was one from a number I didn't recognize.

Unknown number:  
>Hey Brittany it's Santana how are you? I asked Artie for your number I hope you don't mind :P xx<p>

Butterflies started in my stomach and I found myself smiling at the screen. How is it that after all that's happened she makes me smile in seconds, and she's not even here! I put my phone on the floor, and then tried to slow my breathing down not knowing it increased. Why did she want my number? Does she have everyone else's? Should I ask to hang out? What do the kisses mean? Maybe she's just being polite?

"Why am I freaking out?" I screamed to myself. I stared across at the phone, biting my lip before letting out a sigh and deciding I was being ridiculous. I picked it up and let it settle in my hands, you can't stutter in texts so that's a plus I thought.

Me:  
>Hey Santana I'm good how are you? Nah that's okay, I'm glad you did :) x<p>

I pressed send then had a minor heart-attack, I reread it over and over making sure there were no indications that I'm acting like a pathetic dork. I realized shortly after that what I sent was completely normal and this was only proving the fact that I might like her, a fact I'm becoming uncomfortably aware of. Lost in my freak out I jumped when my phone went off, resulting in it being flung across the room. I proceeded to army crawl to it for no apparent reason, flipping it over and hesitantly reading her reply.

Santana:  
>I'm great thanks :) I was wondering if you wanted to hang out after school sometime this week?<p>

The butterflies went crazy and I let out a childish squeal which shocked me. I haven't been genuinely happy in too long so maybe its okay that she makes me smile? 'Aghh' I just don't know what I'm feeling!

Me:  
>Sure sounds good :) I'm free Wednesday if that suits you?<p>

I finished packing up Noah's things as I waited for her reply, my stupid thoughts still annoying the hell out of me.

Santana:  
>Perfect, can't wait! Xx<p>

I blushed at her reply then shook my head at my reaction. Still struggling to get a handle on how she made me act.

I decided to turn my phone off and check on Noah, when I walked back into the lounge he was still fast asleep. I carried him upstairs and tucked him in, we would see our mum tomorrow morning. Missing school was a given and I had a surprise for Noah before everything changed again.


	4. Chapter 4 Clouds

Chapter 4. Clouds

"Noah time to get up! Oh and no school today!" I yelled up the stairs.

I've been up since 7:00 getting ready to take Noah to his surprise, now all I needed was for squirt to get out of bed.  
>I'd slept pretty well last night considering we were seeing our mum this morning, I know the reason for it but I still just don't know how to believe it.<p>

I'd decided to tell Noah about Tuesday after we saw our mum. Not that there was an easy way, but I wanted him to know everything soon so then we could focus on us.

"Britty what are you talking about?" I turned to see him making his way down the stairs, rubbing his eyes and yawning.

"We're going to see mum now and then I have something special for you, sound good?" I smiled down at the tired little boy.

"No school huh?" he smiled mischievously, making me giggle.

"Yes cheeky, now go get dressed I put some clothes out on your floor, I've already packed you a bag and I'll treat you to breakfast at maccas" I almost jumped back from the excited yell he let out. As he ran back upstairs I checked the bus times. Both our schools were in walking distance from our house, but we caught the bus everywhere else unless Sam drove.

The bus ride takes about 20 minutes; I could only wish it would take longer. I don't know what I'm meant to say, I don't even want to look at her. How can she think that one 'I love you' makes up for everything, and makes it okay for her to leave? I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding as we pulled up to the hospital, the familiar knots formed in my stomach. I took hold of Noah's hand and we walked towards the entrance. After asking a nurse for her room we finally found it, I froze at the door suddenly unable to move.

"Are you okay Britty?" Noah asked as he tugged on my arm.

"Yeah I'm fine, don't worry Hun" I smiled gently at him then opened the door.

I walked in behind Noah; she was sitting up in her bed. He went over to her giving her a hug, I saw their lips moving but I couldn't hear anything over my heart beat. They spoke for a moment more, and then Noah left the room. I was still frozen on the spot, trying to hold in the tears and the anger.

"Brittany?" I could finally hear her voice.

"I-I'm sorry" She said although her words meant nothing to me anymore.

"It's been really hard for me and I-"

"You've got to be fucking joking" I didn't raise my voice, the words came out quietly. I was so drained from having to dealing with this that I had no strength to shout.

"Don't you dare make excuses because it has been twice as hard for Noah and me with all the shit you put us through"

"Brittany please just listen-"

"No" I cut her off again.

"You don't get to ask me for anything" I said coldly.

"Since you were so prepared to leave us I've done it for you, Noah will stay with a family that can actually care of him and I'm moving out" Tears fell freely from my eyes as I tried to keep myself together.

"I'm sorry please I'm so sorry" she sobbed.

"Stop it!" Finally I found some volume "Fucking stop it! I don't want to hear how sorry you are, when I leave here I don't want to see you again! Ever! Do you understand? Don't come near me and stay the hell away from Noah!" I turned towards the door breathing heavily after my outburst when I heard it open. A nurse surveyed the scene before hesitantly speaking.

"Is everything okay in here?" she asked softly.

"Peachy, I was just leaving" I replied, my tone devoid of any emotion.

"Don't go! Brittany I am your mother listen to me!" hearing that I turned around, she flinched from the anger in my eyes.

"Go fuck yourself 'Mother'" with that I left.

On the bus ride to my surprise for him I explained everything to Noah, he took the whole thing well the only part that worried him being not living with me. But I didn't even know where I was going to live anymore? I hadn't planned on moving out I just said it without thinking. It's probably best though, I can't imagine staying with mum any longer. I'd figure it out later, I'm sure Sam would be cool with letting me live at his, his parents are usually away or oblivious anyway.

As I calmed myself down trying not to think about this ordeal, Santana made her way back into my thoughts. 'You don't like her, you're just stressed that's it' I kept telling myself. I thought about how she looked when I first saw her, I guess there's no doubt I'm attracted to her but that's understandable she is gorgeous 'I mean she's pretty I guess' 'shit! Why can't I think straight? Oh how ironic...

Luckily I came back to reality just in time for our stop.

"Close your eyes dude" I told him, he smiled as he did as I said. I led him off the bus and made sure we were in the perfect spot before I let him see.

"Ready?" I asked.

"Yes! Yes! Yes!" he squirmed about. I figured although I couldn't give him what he deserved, I could give him one of the only things he has ever asked for.

"Alright and... Open!" I said laughing, he gasped followed by his cute smile.

"THE BEACH!" he quickly grabbed my hand and we ran down to the water together. At least now I know that he and I are okay, now all I have to worry about is Wednesday.

The doorbell went off, Sam was finally here. After mine and Noah's day at the beach I'd called him and told him everything, well everything involving my family that is. It's Tuesday night, Noah was picked up this morning and I'm a mess. Sam had said I was going to move in with him even if I didn't want to, I forgot how much I've needed him these last few days. I opened the door and fell into his arms, he held me tighter as I cried.

"It's okay Britt I've got you" he whispered gently in my ear, I wanted to say something back but I couldn't form words.

Once my bags were packed and in the back of his car he started the engine. He knew me well and that what I needed wasn't a conversation, so we drove in silence. I stared out the window watching the different colours of the street lamps go by, wondering how everything got so fucked up again. I was over crying now but the ache too was still present, and just as I was about to give in I felt Sam's hand wrap tightly around mine. I looked over at him; he wore a small smile which I returned. His hand then left mine and went to the stereo.

"I think now is the right time" he said before pressing a few buttons and turning the volume switch up. What's up by 4 non blondes began blasting throughout the car, and I joined him in an all out singing fest. We sang or some would say yelled at the top of our lungs, laughing and smiling the whole way through. I knew at this point that I could be whoever I was with Sam and he'd love me regardless, at my worst and best. I decided that tonight I would tell him about Santana and how I'm confusing the shit out of myself, he'd know what to say to help me out. I've never liked asking for help but I'd be stupid not to admit I needed it right now. I looked back over at Sam as the song finished smiling and mouthing thank you at him. Then doing what we both wanted and making me love him even more if that was possible, he pressed repeat.

I fiddled with my hands as I tried to figure out how to tell Sam what was going on. We were sitting in his room while he rolled a joint to have out on his balcony. Sam's parents were reasonably wealthy and due to that they were rarely home, it didn't bother him though he just did what he wanted.

"This is gonna be great Britt!" he said beaming.

"We can do pretty much whatever we want, my parents are away till next Wednesday or some shit but they said to say hi and send their love" I smiled at him liking the sound of this freedom.

"And B" he looked up at me.

"Yeah?" I asked.

"You've done the right thing for Noah even though it hurts, I can't imagine having to make that decision after what she put you through but I'm here, for the both of you" he pulled me into a hug and we stayed like that for a bit.

"Now how about we light this baby up" he said as he picked up the joint and walked to the balcony door, I followed swiftly still unsure of how to bring Santana up, maybe it'll be easier once I relax.

We sat in the deck chairs welcoming the warm summer night's breeze. We were watching the stars; I always loved looking at them. Sam finished his last drag then threw it over the edge. I had to bring it up now I thought as he sat down, otherwise I probably never would.

I sat up "Sammy I have to tell you something, I don't know why I feel I should but I do" I said nervously "I don't really know how to put it cause this is hard for me to say"

He looked at me confused so before I could chicken out I continued.

"Okay" I sighed "You know Santana?"

He nodded.

"She umm, she makes, well she makes me feel different" Was all I could get out, I face palmed myself for explaining it like a three year old.

I searched his face for a hint as to what he was thinking but couldn't find any.

"Like how?" he asked.

"Like I get nervous and I dunno I feel weird and stuff" I answered.

He chuckled at my awkwardness of talking about feelings; I never really mastered the skill.

"So you like her?" he flashed me a cheeky smile.

"N-No" I responded far too quickly along with the stuttering I seemed to do all too often.

"Okay then, what do you think it is then?" he laughed.

"Well at first I thought maybe it was something I had on Saturday, but now maybe it's all this stress and I just got overwhelmed or something?" I explained.

He leant forward making me look in his eyes "Or, maybe you just like her Britt" he said gently.

I looked down. He must've noticed how terrified I felt.

"It's alright to be scared you loser" he laughed "Having someone make you feel like this is a scary thing" Taking my hand and giving it a squeeze he continued.

"Don't limit yourself because of what you've seen, if she makes you feel 'different'" he smiled; making quotation fingers "Then go for it"

I let his words sink in and sighed as they helped ease my thoughts. Although I was still absolutely terrified of it all, I decided I deserved some relief.

"I like her" I said to myself as I leant back in the chair, my excitement grew as I remembered I was seeing her tomorrow. Followed by the butterflies and nerves she created all to easily, I closed my eyes happily defeated.

I waited at a park bench across from the lake Santana wanted to walk around, I started checking my clothes out wondering if I looked okay. Sam had teased me all morning as I tried on majority of my clothes, finally making me go with something he chose so we could leave the house. A white singlet, denim short shorts and my purple vans. I protested this not wanting to look so simple to which he laughed saying how 'cute' I was acting. This earned him a smack in the head with a pillow that turned into a full blown pillow fight. I was giggling to myself at how childish we were with each other when I saw her coming over.

She wore a summer dress and her hair fell over her right shoulder in loose waves just like when I first met her, my heart began to speed up as she got closer, she looked beautiful.

"Hey Britt how are you?" She said as her arms wrapped around me, I had to force myself to speak and get over the shock of her hug.

"I'm great how about you?" I replied calmly, if only she could see my mind going crazy!

"I'm good" her infectious smile appeared and I couldn't help but smile back.

"I hope you don't mind coming here, my dad wants me to get to know the place and this looked so lovely I couldn't resist!" she laughed.

"I used to always come here I loved it too, but I guess I forget so I'm glad you chose it" I replied smiling, she smiled back making my knees go weak but I didn't mind.

As we began walking the urge to know more about her became stronger every second we spoke. I had to focus on controlling my breathing every time our hands accidentally touched. We talked casually for a little and I found out we had a lot in common. Our favourite color is blue, we both love animals, kid movies, sunsets, we both want to travel. I was enjoying talking to her so much that I couldn't help but ask about her.

"So why did you move to Melbourne?"

"Well my dad got a new job and we know a few people down here, so it seemed like a good opportunity for a fresh start" she replied.

"Why do you need a fresh start?" I asked without thinking. 'Great filter Brittany!' "You don't have to answer that"

"It's fine" she smiled.

"My mother passed away almost two years ago" 'shit'

"I'm so sorry" I blurted out. God I'm so stupid why did I ask?

"Relax its okay" She said lightly hitting my arm, I tensed up at her touch.

"She was the reason we lived in Brisbane she always loved it there. But once she was gone nothing felt right for dad and I, so he started searching for a new job and now here we are. After she passed everything went downhill for me and" She stopped I could see tears forming.

"Its okay you don't have to go on" I said quickly.

"I was just curious that's all" Good one Brittany you made her cry! Trying to think of something to distract her I looked up.

"Do you like clouds?" I asked, and then realized how fricken weird that sounded! If she wasn't here I would be beating myself for that.

"Ah yeah" she said questionably but still smiling.

"When I used to come here I would find a spot to lie down and look at the clouds, it's a nice day for it if y-you want?" Great I just suggested cloud watching? She must definitely think I'm a freak now.

"Sure" she replied excitedly, not the reaction I expected.

We found a patch of grass and lay down beside each other, I wanted so badly to just watch her instead of the clouds but resisted.

"Any particular reason for your love of cloud watching?" she asked giggling; I joined in feeling more comfortable now.

"My dad and I used to do this when I was younger, it was one of my favourite things to do, pointing out what they looked like and stuff" I smiled to myself thinking of my dad and I back then.

"You two don't do it anymore?" she asked.

"Nope" I replied casually, not feeling the need to elaborate. Santana must have sensed it wasn't something to talk about because she left it at that.

"That one looks like a cow" She pointed upwards. I searched the sky but found nothing.

"I don't see it" I said propping my self up on my elbow, as if it would help me.

"Here" Before I knew it she'd scooted closer so our arms were touching. Grabbing my right hand in her left she lifted it up, causing me to lie back down.

"There's it's head, body and deformed legs" she giggled, her head resting lightly against my shoulder as she traced around the cloud. I laughed with her but still couldn't escape how my body was reacting with her so close. My hand tingled as I admired how perfect ours looked together. Once she brought them back down she neither moved away nor took her hand off mine. Instead intertwining our fingers and causing an unusual sensation to arise in my chest.

I turned to look at her surprised by her action and became lost in the dark brown orbs staring back at me.

I never thought my heart could actually skip a beat but it did, my gaze fell upon her lips for a moment then darted back up. She continued to look at me smiling lightly; I felt the blush creep onto my cheeks and quickly turned my attention back to the sky above.  
>I swear I heard a small giggle escape her lips as she too turned back, her hand still on mine. My mind was going insane now!<p>

We barely know each other yet she's holding my hand, which means something doesn't it? Or do they do that in Brisbane? No it can't be some states casual thing to hold hands with an almost stranger Brittany? Then why is she doing it? Fucking hell I suck at this!

"Brittany-Jo" she said randomly thankfully interrupting my minor freak out, I turned to face her again but she wasn't looking at me this time.

"Yeah?" I asked slightly confused at the use of my full name. Only my parents and the group of misfits new that was my full name. Apparently my mum and dad couldn't decide on which they wanted to call me, so thought they'd be creative.

"It's an unusual name isn't it?" She asked.

"Courtesy of my darling parents" I replied sarcastically.

"It's pretty though, I like it" she said removing her hand and sitting up. Watching me as I did the same, a small blush making yet another appearance on my cheeks as I realized I'd been holding her hand rather securely.

"You blush a lot" she said with a smirk then looked down at her phone, luckily for me though because I only went redder! A faint look of disappointment washed over her face.

"I have to go now but I'll see you soon yeah?" I smiled and nodded yes to her.

We then both stood up brushing the grass off, I felt nervous not knowing what to do with the goodbye. Do I hug her or is that weird? But she was just holding my hand, Frick I dunno? Before I could do anything she leant forward and lightly kissed my cheek.

"Bye Britt-Britt!" she said as she began to walk away.

Frozen from the fact that she had actually just kissed me, regardless of it only being my cheek I could only muster up a wave. My whole body warmed at the use of her nickname for me. That afternoon I walked home to Sam's house confused but happy, and smiling uncontrollably most of the way.


	5. Chapter 5 Pilot

Chapter 5. Pilot

When I woke up in the morning I went straight out onto the balcony, I love getting up early at Sam's and watching the sun change the colours of the sky. I rolled myself a smoke and sat back in the deckchair, the cool morning breeze was refreshing.

I still hadn't filled Sam in on the almost kiss, I will once he wakes up I thought. It felt so frustrating knowing I was vulnerable to this girl, and she knew it too. I've never been like this with anyone? I want to know everything about her, I want so badly to kiss her, I feel as though I'd do anything for her.

This was unnatural for me, to actually be helpless to how I feel.  
>"I'll just have to see you at the party tomorrow night" I kept replaying it in my head, always followed by that smile. Thinking about this I wanted Sam to wake up, I needed to talk to him.<p>

"Holy shit really?" he asked, I nodded.

"Guess what" He said with a childish smile.

"What?"

"You owe me five bucks" He held out his hand, I slapped it away.

"Come on this is serious, I don't know what to do" I said.

"Britt what are you talking about? She's made it known that she likes you too, so what's wrong?"

"I don't want to be someone's toy!" I said throwing my arms in the air.

"She was playing around with me, and I know some people find that fun but I don't! Yes I liked the fact that we almost kissed, but I don't like her having a hold on me" I sat down burying my head in my hands, not long after I felt Sam's strong arms wrap around me.

"I'm not used to this" I said lifting my head up and wiping the tears away, I wasn't even aware that I had started crying.

"I know" He said gently.

"She makes you feel different and no-one else has before, Brittany I've seen you with people in the past and none have ever had this effect on you, or any effect at all!" He chuckled softly.

"But I don't think it's a bad thing, and neither should you. I think it's good that you have no control with this, it means you can't hide from it. If you think she is just messing with you tell her, but you owe me another five when you find out she does like you back"

I looked up at him smiling down at me, and rested my head on his shoulder.

"Okay" I said quietly.

"Shall we get this house ready to be destroyed?" he asked still holding me close.

"With friends like ours its necessary to take precautions" I laughed.

"Right well first things first, alcohol!" he grabbed his keys.

"I'll meet you at the car" I answered putting on my Harley Davidson singlet and black short shorts. Deciding I couldn't be bothered with shoes I ran out to the car. Let the preparations begin!

I was upstairs getting ready when the noise started to get substantially louder, the party was now underway. I was excited to see everyone and meet anyone I didn't know, but I wasn't ready to go down there just yet. I didn't know how to act around Santana anymore, even if I had a plan the moment I saw her it would go out the window. My heart would flutter, my knees would go weak and there would be no way of hiding the inevitable blushing! I went over to Sam's desk and grabbed the bottle of Jim Beam we'd started earlier, taking a few long swigs in hope of pumping myself up. I took one last look in the mirror, I kept my Harley Davidson singlet on and changed into stone washed short shorts, my hair was out straight and messy and my makeup done. I thought about shoes settling for black low top converse. Satisfied and tipsy I left for the stairs, bottle in hand.

"Brittany!" screamed Quinn as she ran up to hug me.

"Had a few have we?" I laughed.

"No sadly I'm not drinking tonight, I have to be up early tomorrow but I just wanted to see everyone" she said smiling, I hugged her again and we walked over to the others. After saying hi to them all I took a seat in between Mike and Rachel joining in what they were talking about.

"Couldn't be bothered with a glass?" Rach asked.

"To much of a risk when it comes to spillage" I joked.

"Hey Britt you love this song! May I have this dance?" Mike asked beaming whilst extending his hand.

"I don't know, I don't really feel like it" I replied with a shrug.

"Come on! We haven't danced together in ages, plus if you don't that means I'd have to ask Rachel"

"Hey!" She objected.

"Or worse Finn!" He pulled a dramatic face and I couldn't help but laugh. I'm not sure if it was the alcohol or the thought of having to see Finn dance, but I put down the bottle and let Mike lead me to the dance floor.

The deep bass pumped loudly through the stereo, vibrations filling my body as I made my way into the crowd. I felt Mike come up behind me one of his hands finding my hip, he didn't move indicating he was waiting for my lead. Breathing out I let myself find the rhythm, starting with my hips then everything else just found it's way. Soon enough I was in my own world following the music as Mike followed my cues, but the peace didn't last for long and the nausea took over.

I stopped dancing much to the disappointment of Mike and the small circle of people that had formed around us. Mike went to pull me back but I just shrugged his hand off, my mind set on returning to the Jim Beam bottle.

I sat back down on the couch, now next to Sam and Finn. They tried including me in their conversation but I wasn't in the mood. I was just sitting there waiting for her, I didn't really care what anyone was saying anymore.

"Hey everyone!" I heard her voice, turning to my left and there she was looking back at me. She spoke randomly with Puck and Mercedes for a bit before walking up behind the couch, leaning so close I could feel her breathe on my neck.

"Do you want to come help me get a drink?" she asked innocently.

"Sure" I answered careful not to show the effect her proximity was having on me. I stood up following her and noticed Artie giving Santana a look as she walked off. We weaved our way through people toward the kitchen surprisingly no-one was in there.

"What's up with Artie?" I asked curious about his actions, as I leant against the bench.

"Oh nothing he's just been a bit uptight lately" she replied, I didn't press any further feeling it didn't concern me.

"Still nervous?" she asked smirking. Catching me off guard I turned to her but wasn't able to say anything.

"What can I do to make you relax?" She walked up to me, standing so close our bodies were almost flush with one another. Acting normal when a pair of naturally pouted lips are begging to be kissed only centimetres from yours, is quite possibly one of the hardest experiences ever. I couldn't help but let my eyes flicker down momentarily.

"Beer bong!" Yelled one of the jocks startling me slightly as the rest filed into the kitchen. Much to my relief and disappointment Santana had moved away to search for a drink. I went to head back to everyone when she was done but she grabbed my arm softly.

"Can't we go somewhere else for a little?" she asked with a pout, how could I say no?

"Where do you want to go?"

"I don't know, just away" she replied as her hand slid down my arm and into mine.

I took a seat on my deck chair, then watched her push the other close to mine before taking a seat herself. Why did she have to be so cute?

We sat in a comfortable and I proceeded to look up at the stars.

"You sure love looking at the sky don't you" she said as she copied.

"Yeah my dad's a pilot, when I was little and he was away I'd always look up at the sky to see if I could spot him" I smiled.

I could feel her eyes on me and turned to look over.

"Do you miss him?" she asked hesitantly.

"I-Uhh" I was surprised she'd been able to figure out he had left. Considering I didn't talk about it, it was rare for someone to piece everything together.

"Sorry if I shouldn't have asked" she said, "I just like asking you questions"

"It's fine" I said smiling "I'm just not used to talking about myself"

I continued to look up at the stars, then felt her hand intertwine with mine like before, I tensed up again.

"Do you only tense when I touch you or?" she smirked at me, I blushed then sat up mentally cursing myself.

"Do you want to try that kiss again?" she asked nonchalantly.

"N-No" I replied before I gave in.

"What?" she said sounding a little shocked.

"You need to stop it okay" she still stared at me confused.

"I don't like being messed with, it's not fair for you to play around with me, and I don't want to kiss you if this is some stupid game" I got up and walked back inside, hearing her faintly call out for me.

I went downstairs and straight to the kitchen, getting a drink then going back into the living room. When I entered the room the music had been turned down, everyone was crowded around two boys fighting. I was going to leave when I recognized one of the voices, Sam. I put down my drink and pushed through the huddle finally making it to the front, there he was yelling and shoving with this other guy Dave.

"You better leave before I really fuckin' lose my cool punk!" Sam yelled pushing him again, only to be pushed back harder.

It was Sam who threw the first punch answered by one from Dave, this was probably over something stupid! I had to try calming him down, I thought Quinn might but I couldn't see her.

"Sam stop, he's not worth it!" I said trying to pull him away, it was almost as if he was oblivious to me. He went to lunge but I pulled his arm again, hoping he would snap out of it.

Suddenly I was knocked back, somehow managing to keep my feet. As my vision focused I looked around, I saw shocked faces and a scared Sam standing frozen with his fist clenched. My head registered a burst of pain and immediately my hand went to it. I gasped at the ache bringing my fingers down to find them covered in blood. I walked forward slowly looking up at Sam, my hand balled up and I swung feeling a solid connection with his face. He fell backwards onto the ground holding his nose,

'what the fuck just happened?'

Everyone stood in silence; I couldn't take them all looking at me. I turned and ran out of the house, regretting my decision take off my shoes upstairs as my feet hit the rough pavement. I didn't run far, I had no intention to, I just wanted out of there. I felt the gash on my left eyebrow continue to bleed and wiped it away with my singlet. I couldn't get my head around it, and the pain wasn't helping. Pacing back and forth I tried to slow my breathing, hyperventilating not something I wanted to do.  
>'He hit me' was all my mind would allow me to think, what now? What the hell do I do now?<p>

"Can't you give me a fucking break?" I screamed. I didn't know who it was to, nor did I expect an answer but I needed to scream something.

"Just once! Just for once don't hurt me" My voice strained as I yelled as loud as I could, falling to my knees I let the tears go, too upset to try holding them back.

"I don't want to be hurt anymore" I sobbed no longer able to yell, I honestly couldn't take much more.

"Brittany! Britt where are you?" I heard someone shout, I couldn't figure out who it was and didn't even think to look up. Shortly after two arms wrapped around me, I let my head lay on their shoulder as the tears continued to fall.

"It's okay Britt I've got you" they whispered softly, just like Sam did after Noah had left. Thinking of this I attempted to push them off but they only held me tighter. My head was foggy from the alcohol and the pain, and my tears made my vision blurry. So I gave up fighting and closed my eyes, sinking into their embrace.


	6. Chapter 6 Seeing purple

To everyone reading my story thanks so much! Any questions or suggestions you have about it feel free to PM me, I love new ideas Hope you enjoy the next chapter, and let me know what you think! Xx

And I don't own Glee or their characters

Chapter 6. Seeing purple

I didn't realize I'd passed out exhausted until I woke up the next morning. I hadn't even opened my eyes when the memory of last night came back. Groaning, I curled up into a ball not wanting to face anyone. I inhaled deeply preparing for what today would be when I noticed I was in a bed I hadn't seen before; slowly I sat up pushing the covers off. I went to touch the gash but found a bandage covering it, checking the rest of me next I noticed I was wearing an oversized t-shirt. I wasn't really sure what to think of someone changing me, and who is this someone? Before I could look for them I saw my clothes were at the end of the bed neatly folded, I got up and quickly put them on not wanting to risk anyone walking in.

The walls were purple as well as the roof, posters of Paramore, kings of Leon and angus & Julia stone hung from them. 'Good taste' I thought moving around, it was big even with a desk and couch in there. I walked up to the full length mirror inspecting my appearance; the small bandage covering part of my eyebrow wasn't able to hide the bruising. I sighed then checked everything else. My legs had a few scratches, I pulled my singlet up inspecting my abs but everything seemed normal enough.

I heard a knock then turned to the doorway slightly startled.

"Feeling better?" Santana asked leaning against the frame lazily, her face showing she was worn out. I wanted to comfort her but didn't really know how to go about it so I didn't move. The usual nerves didn't erupt but the butterflies made their appearance.

"Ah yeah a little" I replied half smiling.

"Thanks for letting me stay, I hope it wasn't a hassle getting me here" I chuckled, trying to ease the tension I felt was there.

"Anytime, and you don't weigh much so it wasn't a problem" she smiled then her eyes looked down, I noticed my top was still up and fixed it, smiling when I saw her blush. She quickly left the doorway making her way towards me and before I knew it her arms were around me again. I held her above her waist as she pulled me closer before breaking away suddenly.

"I'm sorry, I was just worried about you" she said sitting on the couch, I stayed standing.

"Don't be, I should be apologizing" I replied clearing my throat.

"I'm sorry for speaking to you like that last night, I'm just not good with this"

"What exactly is this?" she asked smiling and raising her eyebrow.

I stood awkwardly as she watched me.

"Ah its, w-what I mean is" I fumbled unable to say what I meant.

"I kinda figured you wouldn't say it out loud and don't worry I won't try kiss you anymore, I'll just wait till you kiss me" She said no longer looking at me.

Speechless I watched her get up and hand me a towel.

"The bathroom is just across the hall, and I brought your stuff from Sam's here but if you don't want to stay I understand" Before I had a chance to respond she'd left. Sighing loudly I made my way to the shower.

I tilted my head back, running my fingers through my hair as the water fell over my body. 'Why can't I just say what I want?' 'Why am I so shit with feelings?' These thoughts pounded my head as I sank to the floor of the shower. How am I supposed to explain how I feel to someone if I can't even explain it to myself? I know I like Santana and I know it's in a like like way, but I always end up acting stupid around her as if I have no control over what I do.  
>Fuck I need someone to talk to! With Sam out of the question I left the shower planning on finding the only other person I could think of.<p>

"Britty!" Noah screamed as he jumped into my arms. I spun him round holding on tightly, loving the sound of his voice and excited giggles.

"I've missed you so much little man! How was your camping trip? Is it okay here? Do they treat you well?" I bombarded him with questions once I put him down. Placing my hands on the sides of his face as I assessed for any possible damage.

"It was awesome Britty, we did fishing like me and you used to! And I ate heaps of marshmallows even though they told me not to" He beamed back at me. The knot that had formed in my stomach on the way over disappeared, I'd never felt such relief realizing I'd made the right choice.

"Britty why are you crying?" He asked worried.

"Don't worry bub I'm not sad I'm just so happy you're okay here" I pulled him into another long hug, kissing his temple before standing up.

"Shall we walk to the pond? I have some things I need to ask and you're the smartest person I know" His little face brightened at the last bit; grabbing the hand I'd held out to him we began along the path.

We sat on the grass close to the edge of the water, him in between my legs as we took in the peaceful view.

"So what's on your mind monkey butt?" He giggled to himself.

"Since when did you get so cheeky?" I laughed tickling his sides.

"Britty, I know what you're doing" He managed after I stopped my attack, turning around in my legs to face me.

"What do you mean?" I asked genuinely confused.

"You're like road runner" He stated as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Now you've lost me dude?"

He rolled his eyes with a cute little sigh escaping his lips.

"Sometimes when you get asked a question or you have to talk to someone you turn into road runner" I stared back at him still not understanding where this was going, Noah let out a huff.

"It's good to be a road runner if you're about to get squashed by a rock but not because of talking to people" I finally understood what he meant. Although he had a more than interesting way of explaining my issues with opening up, he was right.

"I told you you're the smartest person I know" I said as he sat back between my legs. Pulling him close I took a deep breath figuring out how to explain my predicament.

"Okay well recently I met this gi- ah person, and I really like them. But I'm a bit scared about that and every time they're around I feel all tingly and end up acting silly" I sat patiently waiting for his answer. This is crazy I'm asking my 6 year old brother for advice on my love life!

"You act silly around me and I like you" He replied simply.

"Yeah but I don't mean to do it around her" I tensed up, quickly realizing what I'd just let slip.

What would he think? Would it be weird for him? Would he still want to see me? My heart rate had sped up substantially as I was once again waiting for Noah to speak.

"Does she give you good tingles or bad tingles?" He asked.

"Uhh the good kind" I answered shocked that he hadn't even flinched at my slip up.

"Then you shouldn't be scared of her" He said with enormous confidence. I couldn't object or argue, what he said made perfect sense. Although what Santana made me feel was different, it wasn't bad?

As we I walked him home I made the decision to stay at Santana's house. It couldn't hurt to get to know the girl who occupied my every thought right? Plus it wouldn't be so bad seeing her more, it's only been about 3 hours and I already miss her. I can't believe I just thought that? Holy shit I'm like one of those love-sick teenagers! I don't want to be love-sick, I just want to see her again soon... really soon. Oh god I'm pathetic!

I dropped Noah back and after kissing squirt goodbye I headed off to Santana's. I couldn't help the small smile that appeared on my lips when I thought about her while continually kicking a certain stone. It can't be that hard for me to stay with her? Surely I'll get more comfortable. I mean she did say she wasn't going to try and kiss me again so that should give me some time to adjust to liking her. And I'll just have to not get into situations where I'll want to kiss her. It's simple.

Just on that thought my phone went off.

Santana:  
>If you're free tonight I was thinking popcornmovies? :) That's if you're staying still... xx

I felt bad for making her think I didn't want to stay and without even thinking I typed my reply at lightning speed.

Me:  
>Yeah I'm free :) be back soon.<br>I'll stay if you'll have me? xx

I eagerly awaited her reply, relaxing when I heard the beep.

Santana:  
>Of course I want you xx<p>

I blushed deeply at the double meaning, before shaking my head and continuing on my trip.

This is good, yep just me and her watching movies. Together, alone. On the couch, or her bed. Totally not the kind of situation where you'll want to kiss her.

Ahh shit!


	7. Chapter 7 BrittBritt

**Hey! I don't think there is an apology big enough for me to give anyone reading :P But please know I am terribly sorry for the time it's taken me to upload. I'm not going to go into a massive explanation about why, so if you want to know just message me **

**Let me know what you think about this chapter and also where you want the story line to go because I have some ideas but would love to know where you guys see their relationship heading.**

**Again I'm sorry! **

**Xxx lovelovelove, G.M.R**

Chapter 7. Britt-Britt

When I arrived home I couldn't find Santana anywhere, sighing in defeat I decided to explore her house instead.

There were a few pictures here and there but not many, admiring one carefully of a young Santana and her mother made me once again ache to get to know her more. I don't know why I just want to know things about her, little things, big things, special things, anything wandering aimlessly in and out of every room inside, I grabbed a smoke from my bag heading to the backyard.

There are a lot of situations that could leave me speechless, but none could compare to Santana oiled up in a bikini.

My eyes travelled over her smooth tanned skin as I had to remind myself to breathe, I knew my mouth was hanging open but my mind had focused all it's energy on drooling over her. When I saw San move I only just managed to stop gawking in time before she noticed me there.

"Hey!" She yelled from across the pool smiling.

Not trusting myself with words at that moment I gave her a wave and smile in return. She patted the space next to her on the grass and my body automatically did as she wanted. Sitting down I took the smoke from my pocket a lit up.

"How are you feeling?" she asked, checking under the bandage.

"Seriously it's not that bad, I'm fine" I gave her a small smile.

"There was blood Britt-Britt, blood does not mean fine" I laughed at how she was fussing over me which was answered with a slap to the my arm, before I leant back on the grass. Santana mimicked my actions, placing her shades over her eyes. We stayed that way for a moment or two enjoying the peace.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Santana suddenly broke the silence. I glanced at her but she hadn't moved from her position.

"Not really" I replied quietly.

I still hadn't come to terms with what happened last night. How was I meant to? He hit me; my best friend of 12 years hit me. I was at a complete loss with what to do and how to react. My stomach twisted uncomfortably at the thought.

"Well you can stay here as long as you need. I know we haven't known each other long so I get it if it's weird..." Santana rambled.

"San" I cut her off.

"Don't stress I want to stay, besides everyone else will just hassle me about it" I shrugged.

She relaxed after that but I didn't, my eyes wouldn't stop trying to wander over her! I restrained as much as I could but eventually I gave in. I subtly (or so I thought) let my gaze fall upon her smooth tanned legs; trailing upwards to glance at her abs which were glistening from the thin coating of reef oil. I heard Santana clear her throat making me quickly realize my glance had become staring. My eyes immediately flickered up to see a small smirk settled on her lips. I looked away facing back towards the pool as the blush crept onto my cheeks.

This is ridiculous, she has me going crazy and she knows she does! I'm not usually like this with people, I'm always in control.

"Those things will kill you" Santana's voice dissolved my thoughts.

"Hadn't heard"

She laughed softly and the butterflies turned to tingles.

"Britt-Britt has a back bone" she teased causing me to smile, something I was growing to love.

"Why Britt-Britt?" I asked curious about the new nickname she'd given me.

"I dunno, thought it was cute"

"Well I think San is cute so I'll stick with that" I smiled at her not missing the pink on her cheeks.

"San is fine, I also accept sexy, gorgeous, beautiful"

"Queen of modesty" I chuckled to myself.

"Laugh all you want Britt-Britt" She said standing up and sending me a cheeky smile.

"But may I suggest trying harder to not stare so obviously at this queens body tonight when we have our movie date"

With that she sauntered inside, leaving me with my smoke, my thoughts and my furiously blushing cheeks.

S&B&S&B&S&B

I've been trying to focus on the movie, trying to follow the story line. In all honesty I have no fucking idea what it's about or how long it's been on. But this isn't my fault! It's hers for having to wear the shortest pyjama shorts ever. From the moment we sat down on the couch it's been my mission to not perv on her... Again. However Santana isn't making it easy sitting so close.

"Britt?" her voice snapped me back.

"Yeah?" I squeaked out, realizing just how close her face was.

"Are you cold?" Caught up in her dark brown orbs I merely nodded a yes. Not missing the sly smile she wore as she assessed my reaction.

San reached beside her and grabbed a blanket, unfolding it she leaned closer to place it over me, my breath hitched and my heart began pounding against my chest. How is it possible to feel like this just because of our proximity?

As I sat there forcing myself to watch the movie, her arm made its way around my waist. I tensed a little at the contact but soon relaxed into the feeling. It was new, to be held like this. Its not like I'd never been hugged before, but something is different with Santana that I can't explain. Hell, I can never seem to explain anything regarding her.

Going from never liking someone (or majority of people in general), to feeling so much for one person you barely know is fucking scary. From the moment I first saw her; my mind decided to complicate every thought, while my body decided to lose all ability to function appropriately. I mean, I want to act on how I feel but this is all a little overwhelming.

Wanting something so bad but being too scared to do anything about it sucks. A whole lot. I sighed a little, frustration towards myself beginning to build.

"You okay Britt-Britt?" Santana asked squeezing me a little tighter.

"Y-yeah, just ah thinking about things" I replied lamely, having been slightly distracted by her head now lying on my shoulder.

She chuckled, her gaze never leaving the movie "You think way too much"

You have no idea..

S&B&S&B&SB

"Three wishes, go"

"Easy, I'd wish for never ending wishes and give the other two away"

"San you can't do that, that's cheating!"

"You never said there were rules"

"Fine"

"Any super power you want, but you only get one"

"The power to have any super power I wanted"

"Britt you're just as bad!" San laughed and hit me with her pillow, I couldn't keep a straight face for very long and joined in.

"If you could go anywhere in the world the world right now where would you go?"

After the movie we moved up to Santana's room. Lying on her bed staring at the posters on her roof we began asking any question that came to mind.

"Somewhere with beaches, location would irrelevant then" I had to stop myself from answering with a cheesy 'I don't want to be anywhere else' like my mind wanted to

"What about you?" I asked turning on my side.

"Puerto Rico!" She smiled excitedly.

"I used to always go there to visit my family, the beaches there are amazing! We'll have to go one time"

Whether it was because she looks so cute when she's happy about something or the fact that she suggested a holiday in paradise with her, I couldn't stop this warm feeling from overtaking me.

"You don't go anymore?" I asked concerned.

Her face fell and I immediately regretted being responsible for that. Stupid mouth!

"I haven't been for a little while, the fam wouldn't be too happy to spend time with me at the moment" She chuckled awkwardly, trying to disguise that it bothered her.

"Well I like spending time with you" My voice was quiet and I could feel the blood rush to my cheeks from my confession.

A coy smile grazed her lips, I noticed then that all the dorky shit I seemed to do or say always ended up in her smiling. My heart rate picked up as I couldn't stop my eyes fluttering down to Santana's naturally pouted lips. The girl was not making it easy to figure out my feelings. Who am I kidding.. I know I like her a whole lot, so much that it makes my stomach do flips every time she so much as looks at me.

Fuck, what do I do then? A date? That is what people usually do.  
>Okay a date. That sounds easy enough. I have been on them, well I went to the movies with one guy, and went around to play Xbox with another. Xbox dude wasn't exactly a romantic genius when it came to dates, and in all honesty I just used him for his console.<p>

Great so they both suck royal ass for date ideas. Can I even afford to take her out?

"Britt-Britt"

I looked up from my fidgeting hands not even realizing I'd been completely lost in thought. Again!

"Where'd you go space cadet?" She smiled softly while studying me. Her eyes watched me intently yet there was an immense softness behind them.

"Sorry, zoned out a bit there" I giggled nervously.

"Come on let's go to bed, it's pretty late" Santana tugged on my hand, moving up the bed and under the covers.

As I relaxed into her pillow, subtly breathing in her perfume (Don't you judge me!) she clapped and the lights went out. I sat up straight away.

"No way"

*Clap*

The lights came back on and I couldn't stop smiling. What? I'd never done it before; this was a moment for me!

"San that's so freaking cool!" I beamed down at a giggling Santana.

*Clap*

*Clap*

"I don't think I'd ever get bored of this"

*Clap*

*Clap*

"Nope, still pretty fun"

Santana's laugh echoed through her room while she watched me act like a child. I had to admit it was easier to be around her if I wasn't stressing over what she might think.

"Come on you loser" She gently pulled me back down as the lights dimmed out.

"Sorry for only having a mediocre light switch that brings me no joy" I pouted.

San giggled again as she poked my lips. I swear I would do anything to hear her laugh everyday for the rest of my life.

"I promise you can clap all you want tomorrow night"

I matched her smile but found my gaze once again wondering to her lips. Catching this slip up I flicked my eyes back up to hers, she watched me curiously as I stared back at her.

"Can I kiss you" I whispered. I'm not positive what drove me to ask her but if I was going to take these feelings seriously I figured this would help me be more comfortable with them. And I REALLY wanted to kiss her.

I heard her laugh lightly and instantly felt embarrassed. I let my gaze fall back down, a frown spreading across my face.

"Britt I'm sorry I didn't mean that in a bad way, just I don't think anyone's ever asked to kiss me." I felt her hand under my chin; she nudged upwards until we were eye to eye again.

"I was just being polite" I mumbled.

"You really are too cute" She smirked before leaning in slowly. As soon as I felt my body react I blocked out any thoughts, focusing on her and only her. With one last look into her dark brown orbs, I shut mine and closed the distance.

Our lips melted together, hers were soft and tasted like vanilla. My whole body tingled, my heart beat was so loud it was all I could hear. It felt right, perfect even. Before I could properly register the amount of happiness that filled me I felt her tongue softly ask for entrance. Without hesitation I gave in to her request, a soft moan escaped my throat as our tongues danced delicately against each other. I didn't know how long we had kissed for, but when we both pulled away gasping for air I was convinced it still wasn't long enough.

"Well" I said breathlessly "That clears some things up"

Santana just giggled and pulled me back down onto the bed. She placed her head into the crook of my neck while her arm made itself comfortable around my waist. Her breathe against my collarbone was soothing; sighing contently I tightened my grip around her.

"Whenever you're ready Britt-Britt, just let me know okay" She yawned, her voice thick with sleep.

"Okay" I placed a kiss on top of her head to make sure she knew I was a little scared but not going anywhere.

"Night"

"Night San"

... *Clap*

"Brittany!"

**Well what do you think? Pleeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaseeeeeeee let me know **

**xxx**


	8. Chapter 8 Decisions

**Hello anyone reading :)**

**Heres the next chapter, apologies for any errors!**

**Also if you are reading I'd love a review, just not sure if I should continue anymore :P**

**Disclaimer: Didn't realise I was supposed to do this :/ But I don't own glee or the characters.**

Chapter 8. Decisions

It's been a week. A week since I kissed Santana. A week of wanting nothing more than to kiss her again, but I decided I was going to do this properly. A date, yep Brittany S. Pierce was going to take someone on a date. I can already hear my friends laughing at such a thought, and then the silence that follows when they hear it's a girl. I still hadn't come any closer to having something planned out, however I was completely smitten with Santana.

Staying with her this past week it was kind of hard not to learn and notice things about her.

Like how no matter what she has for breakfast she will always drink milk with it, or how she always checks the temperature of the pool before jumping in anyway. She has to listen to at least one Nora Jones song before school, and she always wears socks to bed for about a minute before kicking them off anyway. How her nose crinkles in the most adorable way when she doesn't like something, and how-

"Brittany!"

The loud voice of my obnoxious english teacher, Mr Clarke, knocked me out of my Santana daze. I looked up and my eyes widened as the entire class stared back at me expectantly.

"The answer Ms Pierce?"

"Um.. Yes?" close enough.

"I strongly advise you pay attention Brittany, next time it will be Principle Figgins you'll have to deal with" He finished with a stern glare which I think he thought was threatening. Luckily the bell rang so I smiled sweetly at him knowing it would push his buttons, gathered my things and left.

Reaching my locker I yanked it open, thinking about Santana had me frustrated. Not because she was constantly invading my thoughts, I quite like that, but I still have no way to afford this date I am still yet to plan.

I'd applied just about everywhere in a realistic distance, receiving either no reply or a 'Sorry we're not hiring'. I was starting to worry, I needed money and not just for a date. I had to provide for myself now. Noah was being taken care of which I was immensely grateful for and San said it was cool to stay with her, but I felt like a charity case. Plus her dad would be back soon and I didn't want to intrude. He'd gone up to Brisbane to finalize something I think, I kinda got caught up in watching San's lips when she was explaining that.

I let out a breath I wasn't aware I was holding, as I weighed up my options. I'd thought about this option for a while now, and at this point it's the only solution I can see. I knew what I was about to do was a bad decision. There's no way it could be a good one. But I needed support and I knew how this worked. With my mind made up I went in search for Puckerman.

S&B&S&B&S&B&S&B

"Oi Fuckerman!" I yelled from the bleachers. Thank god he bragged so much about being on the school footy team, I now knew his training schedule by heart. When he noticed it was me his face lit up and he quickly jogged over.

"Britt! Fuck I feel like it's been ages" Puck said breathlessly as he embraced me in a bear hug.

"Only a few days, but I am pretty missable" I laughed hugging him back. The thing with Puck was he used to hit on me relentlessly when we first met, still does. But now we were pretty close, so it was more like entertainment for the both of us.

"What brings you here? Or did you just come to perv eh" He teased, throwing in a wink for good measure.

"You wish pretty boy" I nudged him as we took a seat.

"Actually I'm here on business"

His eyebrow quirked as he looked at me intrigued.

"Some shits happened lately, I won't go into detail but I need money"

"Babe, you know I ain't no gigolo but maybe this one time" He smirked.

"Dude this is serious!" I chuckled slapping his arm.

"Okay, okay, so what's up?"

"Are you still dealing?" My stomach dropped a little as the words left my mouth. I didn't want to go back to this, but I had no luck with anything else. Money was good and profit was quick, I'd make enough for what I needed and then stop.

"Of course! And if this is going where I think it is, I may just have a new partner in crime" His smile put me at ease slightly, if I was going to get into this with anyone I'd want it to be Puck. The boy was underestimated.

"I'm just gonna make what I need and then I'm out alright?"

He nodded his understanding before explaining where, when and what. We'd be meeting up a few nights a week. As much I was battling internally I took in all the information, it wasn't anything new but he had gone into more hardcore products since last time.

We said goodbye and began heading our separate ways.

"Yo Barbie!" I turned back when I heard Puck shout.

"Quinn's looking for ya, might want to keep a low pro!" He waved and jogged back to join the others on the field.

Shit. I knew eventually someone would corner me to ask about what happened at Sam's, I'm just thankful Puck knows the boundaries.

Quinn however. Whole different issue.

S&B&S&B&S&B&S&B

Math. My arch nemesis. Well pointless math is. Fucking algebra! I thought this subject was hard enough, then they go and add letters to it. I don't even know why I'm attempting to study, and in the deserted library of all places. It's so eerily quiet, plus the librarian is constantly staring at me.

"How the fuck can it be over the square root of ninety?" I whisper to myself throwing my pen down.  
>I hear an all to familiar giggle behind me before the seat beside mine gets pulled back.<p>

"What's so funny?" I ask San confused.

"You're adorable when you're frustrated" She replied casually, taking a seat.

I laughed nervously, looking back down to my book to hide the inevitable blushing I was doing.

"I don't really get along with algebra" I sighed, resting my chin in my hand as I faced her.

"Well lucky for you I do" She gave me a wink and I smiled shyly.

San took my book from me, beginning to underline and explain whatever the frick algebra is.

God she's hot when she goes all nerd. Yet another fantasy to add to my growing list. Tight shirt, short skirt, or maybe just the tie. Yep, that's sounds perfect.

"Brittany!" I zoned back in to see Santana, eyebrow raised.

"Mmm?" I mustered up, my throat had gone dry thanks to my always wandering mind.

"Are you even listening?" She asked, although her tone suggested she knew I wasn't. I smirked back at her deciding not to answer.

"Well I guess I'll just have to give you more private lessons, plus 'little miss stare a lot' is starting to piss me off"

I moved my gaze to where the front desk was and caught the librarian just as she attempted to seem busy.

"She's been doing that since I came in, it could be shock. I'm not exactly a regular here" I joked.

"Oh please, she's checking you out"

"What?" I choked out in surprise. That would be gross and beyond inappropriate!

"You honestly couldn't tell?" She laughed "Well this should be fun"

Before I had a chance to question her again she was on my lap, arms around my neck. My body reacted as expected.. Awkwardly.

"S-Santana what are you do-" My words died in my throat as she brushed a few stray hairs out of my face, tucking the strands behind my ear. She leant in her lips almost grazing my ear, the feel of her so close was driving me crazy!

"Put you hands around my waist and smile as if I've just told you something really dirty" Her voice was low and husky. I shivered slightly as she spoke, praying she didn't notice the effect she was having on me. I did as I was told, trying to ignore the warmth increasing between my legs.

"Good" She continued after I'd done what she'd asked "Now watch her reaction to this"

My grip on her waist tightened a little when I felt her lips ghost over my neck. Biting my lip to force back a moan that threatened to escape, I remembered Santana's instruction looking up. Sure enough there was a scowl firmly planted on the librarians face.  
>Caught up in this realization I almost whimpered from the loss of contact when San stood up.<p>

"I have to go but I'll see you after school?" She smiled warmly, my heart melted as I once again stumbled over my words.

"I'll come with you" I said clearing my throat "W-walk you to your locker"

"Well aren't you charming" San smirked before heading towards the exit. I picked up my books, chucking one last glance to my apparent creepy stalker. Who was still watching! Never again will I go to the library. Ever.

S&B&S&B&S&B&S&B

I managed to avoid Quinn all day and spotted Sam before he had a chance to see me bolting in the opposite direction. A win in my book. I decided to reward myself when San and I got home, after changing into a tank top and trackies, I searched for my 'Fear and loathing in Las Vegas' DVD. I admit it, I'm a hardcore Depp fan. What can I say? The man's a genius.

Currently sprawled out on the couch; Santana's legs draped over mine while we devoured our bowl of m&m's, I felt more relaxed than I had in a long time. It's like when she's around everything isn't as overwhelming. I don't hurt so much. I felt the sudden urge to tell her this but didn't, the honesty of it made my stomach twist. I settled instead for just looking over to her, only to see her eyeing me suspiciously.

"What?" I asked curiously

"Why don't you eat the red ones?" She said as she sat up, re adjusting herself so her legs still remained over mine.

"Huh?" I replied still momentarily lost in my thoughts. That and the fact that she still manages to look beyond beautiful even in a hoody and pajama pants. Not that I doubted she would for a second.

"The m&m's" She explained "You don't eat the red ones"

"Oh the red ones are Sam's favorite, even though they all taste the same" I chuckled softly.

"Forced habit" I shrugged. My smile fell away as my words began sinking in. A tear slid down my cheek before I even noticed I was crying. I brought my hand up and quickly wiped it away continuing to watch the movie as if it were never there.

Seconds later the movie paused. I turned to Santana, about to explain that I didn't want to talk about it when I was pulled into a tight embrace. After a moment I let myself relax into her, snaking my arms around her waist and pulling her closer.

"I know there are so many things hurting you right now that I can't do a thing about" Her voice was soft and soothing, the tears welled up in my eyes and soon I was sobbing gently. Ignoring my need to release my emotions had taken it's toll unexpectedly. Pulling away slightly Santana caressed my cheek, I automatically lean't into her hand desperate for comfort as my body reacted to all I had experienced in such a short time.

"But I promise you, I will never be one of them" At those words I fell into her, letting everything go as she lay us down on the couch. I don't know how long I cried for or how long we lay there but falling asleep in her arms I'd never felt more at peace.

**Thanks for reading :) means a lot!**

**xx G.**


	9. Chapter 9 Bashful

**New chapter! sorry if its a bit short :P enjoy :)**

Chapter 9. Bashful

"It's fucking freezing" I shivered adjusting my beanie.

"Sorry princess, but more clients prefer the cover of the night" Puck winked.

Shoving my hands further into my pockets I shook my head, my stomach flipping uncomfortably at Pucks words. It was late, after 11 maybe. We'd made a fair amount already which is great, but all I want to do is go back to Santana. It's unbelievable the pull  
>I feel towards her, although I don't like to admit it I've come to dislike any moment I'm not with her.<br>Ugh when did I become such a sap!

"Oi B" Puck nudged me, nodding towards a thin, fragile looking man making his way across the street.

"Looking for a hook-up?" I didn't sound like myself when I did this, I didn't feel like myself when I did this. It had become an automatic process, a process that made me feel like the scum of the earth.

"S-Smack" He managed, his voice was weak and his exterior ghostly.

"How much?"

"Just a dime"

Bag. Shake. Count. Done. Same as the rest.

I watched as he walked off, my heart sank deeper with each step he took. Bittersweet, if you can even call it that. I get payed while he gets hurt. What if he died tonight? That'd be on me.

"If he didn't get it from us he would've got it from someone else" Puck gently squeezed my shoulder. I sighed, it was true but my guilt remained.

"Why don't you go home"

"What?" I asked confused, we still had at least two hours left.

"You've got a lot on your mind Britts, just go I'll text you with new details tomorrow" he smiled warmly.

"Thanks" I pulled him into a hug. "Be careful yeah?"

"Always"

S&B&S&B&S&B&S&B

I crept up the stairs to Santana's room, careful not to wake her. It was basically pitch black, I'm surprised I even made it to her room withou-

"Shit!" I cursed aloud as I hit her door then the floor. Shortly after it swung open to reveal a towel clad Latina, her hair resting in a messy bun.

"Jeez Britt are you alright?" she giggled helping me off the floor.

"Uhh" I squeaked out a little dazed as I'd hit my gash. Trying to gather myself I went to speak again but any attempt failed me, my mind deemed imagining what was under the towel more important. Santana appeared oblivious to my flustered state, quickly grabbing her first aid kit and sitting us on the bed to redo my bandage.

"What on earth were you doing?" She asked with a small smile, her eyes focusing just above mine.

"It's late so I was being quiet incase you were sleeping, stupid door" I pouted. Her eyes met mine briefly, a slight blush gracing her cheeks before she continued her work.

I watched her as she so carefully tended to me. Her brow creased slightly as she concentrated on being gentle, her face was free of make-up but I'd never seen her look more beautiful. I trailed my eyes over every detail of her face. From the strands of hair that had broken free to fall softly against her cheek, to her delicate jawline that I wanted so badly to run my hand over, over to the naturally pouted lips which I had to restrain from covering with my own incase I disturbed her.

Everything about her is so captivating, so alluring, I can't understand why she has even a slight interest in me. I'm a train wreck and she's, breathtaking.

"Done" Her voice knocked me out of my trance. However I lost any control of the urges, leaning forward I softly pressed my lips to hers. I had no intention of deepening the kiss, nor did it last very long as I pulled back slowly. I opened my eyes only seconds before Santana, her mouth was slightly parted as she watched me intently.

"What was that for?" She questioned.

"Sorry" I said faintly. "You just look so perfect"

She didn't move, didn't say a word. I started to panic internally, searching her expression for any indication as to what she was feeling. I couldn't figure it out, she just stared back at me a little stunned.

"Did I do something wrong? I didn't mean to! We've kissed before so I though it would be okay and I don't know why but I just couldn't stop m-" She silenced my rambling with a kiss, different to the previous.

This was passionate, desperate and once I became aware of what was happening I returned it with as much emotion as I could. Gradually I laid back on the bed as Santana pressed herself against me, straddling my waist while her hands found their way into my hair. Holding her close as our tongues battled for dominance, my hand trailing lazily up and down her thigh. I think I'd stay in this moment forever if I could, with the most enchanting person I've ever met in my arms.  
>Unfortunately the need for oxygen became to much. We broke away panting, Santana resting her forehead against mine.<p>

"What was that for?" I mimicked her words.

"I think I need you Britt." She whispered. "It happened so fast and now I can't imagine not having you around"

Her confession made my heart thump against my chest, a warmth filled me that I'd never experienced before.

A dopey smile spread across my face as I beamed up at her.

"What?" She snickered, blushing deeply.

"I need you too" I stated simply. She smiled before leaning down to connect our lips sweetly.

Pulling away this time it dawned on me. There was still only a towel separating Santana's naked body from my touch, and my hand was still placed fairly high on her leg. My cheeks turned crimson when I noticed San take in our position, she chuckled nonchalantly before gracefully getting up.

"Give me 5 minutes Bashful" She winked as she entered the bathroom. Leaving it open only a little as if daring me to peak.

I threw my head back, praying to no one in particular that I have the strength to withstand her teasing. I mean I obviously want her, I want her so badly, but I also want to take her on at least one date before anything goes that far. This isn't about sex, I really care about her. I want to know her like nobody else does and I want her to know me.

Sighing I sat up, hurriedly changing into pajama pants and a light grey tank. I sat down on my side of the bed, leaning back into the headboard. Grabbing my phone I checked to see I had a few messages and missed calls, but that's to be expected when you have the hottest thing to walk the planet distracting you.

1 new message from "Q"  
>2 missed calls from "Q"<br>1 new message from "Sammy"  
>1 new message from "Puckerman"<br>1 new message from "Mercedes"

I went straight to Mercedes text.

From Mercedes: Hey girl! We need to get our partaay on ASAP, I feel like I haven't seen you in ages :(

I chuckled as I wrote my reply agreeing. That girl is always up for a party and her drunken antics are way to entertaining to miss. I moved on to Pucks next.

From Puckerman: Ey pretty lady ;) You can keep anything you made tonight, I made more than enough after you left. Take care of yaself!

I sat in shock for a little, confident that I'd made around $300 tonight. I couldn't even think of a reply, thank you seemed too weird considering how I made it. I decided not to text back, he wouldn't care and I'd see him tomorrow.

Opening up Quinn's message I wasn't sure what to expect. That made it all the more worrying.

From Q: You can't avoid me forever Britts!

My brow creased, I knew this was a fact. Even if I devoted all of my school time to simply avoiding Quinn it wouldn't work. The only reason I've managed to this week is because the chemistry crew have been in training for some sort of tournament, Q's el capitano of that geek fest.

To Q: Talk tomorrow.

May as well get it over with, it is only Quinn. She'll just want to know how I am, only problem with that is I don't know how I am.

S&B&S&B&S&B&S&B

"Whatcha doing?" San asked as she snuggled in beside me. I'd been too caught up in staring at Sam's message to even realize she'd returned.

"Nothing" I replied locking my phone. I saw a small frown appear over her features before she quickly masked it. I immediately regretted shrugging her off when it was clear something was troubling me. If I want to know about her then she has to know about me. Opening up never was my strong point, old habits die hard.

I shuffled down so we were level. Staring at the ceiling I found her hand under the covers, grasping it tightly.

"I-uh I got a text from Sam"

"What did it say?" She moved our hands to lay upon her stomach, stroking mine soothingly.

"I haven't read it yet, I don't know if I want to" I sounded so small.

"Then don't, not until you're ready" Santana reached across taking my phone and putting it on the table. Instead of moving back to her original position, she placed a chaste kiss on my lips and snuggled into the crook of my neck.

And I'm back to smiling, I swear this girl is magic. With my heart restored to it's smitten state I remembered the money in my jean pockets.

"Hey San?"

"Mmm?" She hummed happily.

"I was wondering if maybe-and it's fine if not, just I was hoping-I mean I haven't even planned anything ye-"

"Britt calm down, what is it?" She propped herself up on her elbow, concern in her eyes.

"Wou-" I took in a deep breathe. "Would you like to go to dinner with me?" I blurted out. Squeezing my eyes shut I face palmed myself.

"Fuck that sounded so lame" I mumbled.

Her laugh sounded melodically in my ears whilst her hand pulled mine away from my face. I blinked back at her, pouting.

"No it didn't! It sounded sweet, and I would love to go to dinner with you Brittany Pierce" She smiled brightly at me, effectively turning my pout into a coy smile.

"Is this a date?" She teased her signature smirk in place.

"Only if you want" I replied fiddling with the doona.

"My god Britt-Britt you must be completely oblivious. You're lucky you're adorable" After flicking off the lamp her hands found their rightful place entangled in my hair, as she pulled me into another searing kiss.

I'm falling for her, I know it. Fast.

**Please let me know what you think! :) What do you think Britt should do about Sam? her job situation? the date? and any other ideas you have for the story I encourage you to tell me! :) I'm always open to suggestions xx Thanks for reading**


	10. Chapter 10 Guidance

**Here's the new chapter! thanks again to those reading :)**

**A few things: Free periods for australia is just like a study period and not sure what kind of money whoever reading has but here we have like 5,10,20 50 cent coins :)**

**Sorry for the lack of Brittana in this Chapter, just a little unsure of where you guys want them to go and how to get there so let me know :) xx**

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><p>Chapter 10. Guidance<p>

"Smile for me B!" I watched as my face appeared on the screen poking my tongue put playfully before flipping the camera off.

"Such a charmer isn't she!" Sam laughed in the background.

"We are here on my balcony about to spark up the first cross joint I've ever made"

"Thank you google!" I added.

He beamed at the camera, obviously pretty stoned. He placed it between his lips but continued to speak.

"If I do not make it out alive, I want everyone to know that this girl" He twisted the lens back to me, as I raised my drink in acknowledgment.

"Is my best friend in the entire world, and always will be" I smiled back at him over the camera before it twisted back and fell.

The video ended. It was the sixth time I'd watched it today. We made it on one of the first nights of summer. It wasn't a big night, we just hung out at his, drank, smoked and talked, yet it is still one of my favorites.

I miss him, as much I've tried not to. There has been so many moments when all I've wanted was a hug from him to make me feel better, or to be able to talk to him or muck around like we always did. It's my fault really, I'm the one avoiding him. But what happened wasn't okay, and he needs to know that. Fucking hell. On top of all the other shit, this had to happen. I still hadn't looked at his message, although it hadn't left my mind since I woke up.

Ahh why do I do this to myself? Fuck it, I dug my hand into my pocket.

Tails I read it, heads I don't.

"Brittany!"

"Ahh!" The fright caused me to smash against my still open locker door. I hissed out in pain before cradling my head. Must all forms of doors fucking hit me?

"Shit Britt, you alright?" Mike asked worried.

"Yeah, yeah peachy" I replied bluntly, Mike's face fell and I immediately felt like an asshole.

"Sorry, I'm sorry. Just a lot going on" I offered a small smile which he mirrored, returning to his cheery nature. I shut my locker as we fell in step, heading towards where all our friends hung out during lunches and free periods. Behind the bleachers. Not the classiest place I suppose, but we are not the classiest people. A few beat up couches and a coffee table made from wooden crates suits us just fine.

After catching up and making small talk we'd reached the oval. I could tell Mike had something to say but was having trouble, starting to get concerned I stopped him.

"What?" He attempted nonchalance.

"Don't what me, you're the one that's been doing that freaky nose twitch thing the whole way here" I pointed out.

"You noticed that?"

"Blame Tina, if it weren't for her you'd be twitching freely" I shrugged.

He sighed "Well I wanted to talk to you about something, and! Before you straight out say no just really think about it"

"Okay" I eyed him skeptically.

"In a few months, there's this dance compet-"

"No"

"Britt please just-" He started.

"No, don't even" I shook my hand dismissively and began back towards my locker

"At least have a read of the flyer?" I kept walking ignoring him, Mike of all people should know that dancing is a no go topic.

"There's a cash prize!"

I stopped although I willed myself not too. Walking back to him I snatched the flyer.

"You don't mention this to anyone got it?" I warned.

"Yep" He replied with a smug grin. My pocket vibrated and I fished out my phone.

From Puckerman: Meet me at the dumpsters. New details.

"I gotta go, tell everyone I say hi" I gave him a quick hug but when I went to let go he didn't.

"Mike?"

"I'm sorry I pushed the comp on you Britts, but I think it could be really good for you. For both of us" I sighed and squeezed him tighter before we untangled.

"Work on some choreography and song choices, we start next week"

"You got it pierce!" he yelled back as we parted ways.

Involving myself in one mess after the other seems to be my thing lately.

* * *

><p>Heads or tails? Tails or heads? I twirled the Fifty cent coin over my fingers, a trick I'd learnt from my dad. The sun was shinning down gently as I was walking around the track, that's when I found the coin. Remembering the unread message I had sat down to settle this.<p>

That's a lie. I'd sat down to play with the stupid thing whilst over thinking every stupid detail of my stupid fucking life. Frustration got the better of me and I stood abruptly, throwing the coin onto the oval with as much force as I could manage.

I don't want to deal with it, any of it! And why should I have too? Ugh! Now I sound like I'm complaining and I'm not! Really I'm not, I'm just.. maybe I am complaining. But shouldn't I be allowed to? I hung my head in my hands and took steady breathes to stop all my thoughts caving in on me.

I needed to relax, I needed to clear my head so I could sort it all out. I needed Mary Jane.

To Puckerman: Fancy a spliff? Behind the bleachers.

* * *

><p>"Damn B this shit is strong, what is it?" Puck choked out.<p>

"White widow, it's hits you like a mother fucking peace train" I smiled lazily.

"Dude you're already blitzed" He laughed.

We sat in a comfortable silence for a little, passing back and forth. The silence was blissful, everything troubling me before began to seem insignificant as if it were never a problem in the first place.

"So Britts I know we aren't the type to express certain things like I dunno thoughts and shit, but are you gonna tell me what's up?" Puck broke the silence, passing the joint back to me "I'm cool to just sit here and smoke your weed though" He added with a chuckle.

I smiled before rearranging myself on the couch, we now sat facing each other both resting on opposite armrests. I eyed him curiously for a moment deciding on what was okay to spill and what not.

"I'm merely here for support, judging ain't my style" He winked. I relaxed further into the seat, placing my aviators over my eyes.

"Okay dilemma number 1, I don't know what to do with the whole Sam situation" I said before taking a drag.

"Well first off I am not defending him in anyway cause what he did was messed up and there is no excuse, but maybe there is a reason. I mean he loves you too absolute bits Britt, and you love him too. My advice? Talk to him"

"He sent me a message yesterday, I still haven't read it which is driving me crazy! I want to know what he has to say and I want to talk to him it's just, it hurt. Physically, emotionally it hurt so fucking much." I explained passing the spliff back to him.

"So tell him that, let him know how much he hurt you. But also let him tell you what was going on and shit. Look you two have been inseparable little fucks since I've known you, and you will be again all that needs to happen is some communication" He leant forward patting my knee softly, a rare thing when it came to Puck. In fact this whole moment was rare.

"Problem number two, go!" I laughed at his eagerness before taking back the spliff, then it hit me. I had two topics to talk about; family or Santana. My stomach dropped when I thought about my family, however my heart fluttered when I thought about Santana. Decision made, plus Puck said he doesn't judge. The only thing I should probably worry about is the dirty places his mind goes.

"I uh.. I like someone"

"Like, like?" He inquired.

"It's worse than that" I chuckled. "I really, really like, like them"

"I'm failing to see the problem in this?" He looked at me skeptically.

"I'm scared I'm gonna fuck it up, and if we actually become a thing I'm scared I'm gonna fuck them up!" I sat forward taking off my glasses. "They're just so goddamn perfect! Every little thing about them makes my heart beat dangerously quick and all the other mushy stuff that goes with it! But me? Puck I'm not okay, I am so messed up right now it's not funny and I don't want to hurt them because of that" I steadied my breathing, noticing I'd gotten worked up.

"Well shit, I never thought I'd see the day where someone had Brittany Pierce wrapped around there little finger" He smiled warmly.

"Fuck off, you know I'm not good with this" I kicked him slightly.

"What being in love?"

I stood up so quickly ready to defend myself I almost passed out. But before I could list off all the reasons I am not in love with Santana, Puck spoke again. Which is a good thing because I couldn't think of any..

"Relax Britts I'm just playing with you" He grinned, I greased him off not appreciating the heart attack.

"Oh come on, spark another spliff and sit your ass down"

I rolled my eyes but did as instructed.

"Now in the words of the great Marylin Monroe"

I burst out laughing as he feigned hurt.

"Sorry, continue oh wise one" I teased lighting the joint.

"If you can't handle me at my worst then you don't deserve me at my best. Or some shit like that I think, not sure though. Mum took my porn and blocked all the sites, her poster was the only thing remotely wank worthy in the house" He shrugged.

"Ewww you are unbelievable" I giggled kicking him again.

"But think about it, it makes sense" He said while grabbing my ankles, rendering me useless.

"Jacking one out to Monroe?"

"Well yeah" He scoffed "But if someone can't be with you when you are 'messed up' beyond control then they aren't worthy of you at your best"

I let his words sink in, he was right. If I let Santana in and it doesn't work out then it wasn't meant to be I suppose. Even though I get the feeling it would crush me to lose her.

But fuck it Puck is right. Holy shit Puck has been right a lot in a small period of time. I should be documenting this!

"So is it Santana?" Puck asked bringing me back from my epiphany whilst grabbing the joint.

"What?" I couldn't even hide the surprise in my voice.

"I'll take that as a yes" he replied smugly.

"Wh- how did yo- I didn't eve-"

"Clue number one that it was a chick, you said they and them instead of he which wouldn't have been an issue had it been a he"

I nodded my head agreeing. I was going to tell him, I just wanted my worries sorted out before the whole 'lack of penis' thing.

"Clue number two, you watch Santana" Puck stated simply.

"What does that mean I 'watch' her? You make me sound like a creepy pedo" I frowned.

"No loser, not like that" He chortled "I'm saying that when you look at her there's something more, hell I've only been around you two a few times when you're together and I've noticed"

I raised my eyebrow still unsure of what he meant.

"It's like you take in everything she does Britt. Like you watch her just to see what she does next, as if no matter how simple it's the most fascinating thing in the world"

I smirked at how sweet he was being, yet blushed at his words.

"You're such a sap" I gave him a lopsided smile.

"Tell anyone and you will not live" He smiled back.

We polished off the rest of the joint and started making our way back across the oval. My head clear and no longer reeling I felt refreshed, or just stoned.. Regardless I felt better and had some guidance as to what I was doing.

"I mean it when I say mention to anyone I'm adorable and you'll die" Puck reminded as we prepared to part ways.

"Yeah, yeah I won't. Hey listen thanks and stuff, for talking and all that" We both looked at each other before cracking up.

"Fuck, we both suck at this junk" Puck sighed happily "But we are definitely smoking more of that shit soon woman! I felt like an Aussie Dr. Phil back there"

I beamed back at him "Yes we will make it happen, but I gotta go"

"All sweet B me too" He pulled me in for a quick hug.

"Make sure you clean Marilyn once you're done, your mother would be scarred!" I shouted, not being able to resist as we walked away.

"Fuck you Pierce!"

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><p><strong>Although this chapter was fun to write, I depressed myself also with no Britt and San :( so please let me know what you want to happen in the story! I'm a little blank right now..<strong>


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